6.12.2008

where's the kid with the chemicals



All I have to say is this bar, this new Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate and PB, basically makes Reese's Peanut Butter Cups taste like a white trash neighbor with the broken car in the lawn. It's a definite yes. You must find it this and eat it immediately.
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So I have this great new diet. It's a guaranteed 50 extra pounds every week. I call it the Traveling Husband Junk Food Diet. You will look as hot as ever by the end of the month. And extra squeezable.

Week One: Consume as many cheeseburgers for each consecutive meal as possible without throwing up. By Thursday you might want to exclude onions, go for extra pickles. Whatever: go crazy. Be sure to do a healthy mix of change, try maybe Wendy's for lunch and perhaps Burger King for dinner. Then repeat the following day.

Week Two: The last thing you want to eat for at least three days is a burger. This is when it's crucial you spend $350 at Costco on anything you would normally not indulge in. I highly recommend their chocolate chip cookies sold in their bakery section. You might want to get two containers, the cookies are really soft and go quickly. Skip raisinets, yes to the artichoke dip varieties and for sure stock up on sugary drinks.

Week Three: Now it's time to back off a little and play it safe at a regular grocery store. Go for cookies n' cream ice cream, push-up pops, some new candy bars, etc. Movie theater size boxes of candy will be handy in case you spend some time alone watching the Lifetime channel or TLC. Hot Tamales, Goobers, Gummy Bears, and some kind of chocolate/ almond combo.

Week Four: Nothing sounds appealing except vegetables and water. Arrange for a sitter to come two to three times a week so you can go run. Make sure the oldest child is well-versed in the emergency plan. In the event you have a heart attack, they should know how to call 911 for help. Review the drill a couple of times and quiz him often.
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