I am glad I took the kids for a walk today to the rose garden. I enjoyed telling Evan about the ducklings, hearing Zane talk and watching him run freely. I am happy I made time to color with the older one while the baby slept in the early afternoon. I am glad I prepared the veggie tray for tomorrow's park day. There were a lot of good parts of the day that I want to remember. Because come evening, I was running out of steam fast during the bedtime routine. Those final hours of today were wearing me thin and seemed to stretch too long. I began to allow my mind to grab each and every negative thought about having a traveling husband it could possible clutch. Pity Party Central was moving in fast.
I have to say, I do so well the early weeks of the traveling schedule. I try so hard and allow for famously great weekends and plan breaks and fun and easy meals during the week. We have family things to look forward to for the weekend and talk often on the phone. I know how to do this well, but tonight I was giving up on the effort of positive thinking. I was feeling empty and tired and mad.
The interesting thing to me is that I have gotten better at figuring out how to communicate a hard day in a way that isn't resentful (oops maybe that's not a normal way to react to begin with?). I have learned a more healthy way to converse because it's all we have for a few days of each week and it better be productive. When words have to be enough to replace body heat, you have to get it right. So hooray for that! We got it right and I can power through tiresome because all I needed to hear was detail on what he wished he could do to help me if he were here and that was enough.
I often search the house for fulfillment when the kids go down, wishing I had a stash of cookies to munch or a good show to watch. But those never fill me up. I keep thinking of what I can do around the house to get ahead of tomorrow or how many boxes I can pack. But I truly need to make time to do something for me. Even if only for 30 minutes. Tonight I read from those short articles in the back of the Ensign and I feel more ready for tomorrow than any laundry folding or dish washing could offer. My empty canteen was filled tonight with his words and those of print. Even though being the wife of a traveling husband isn't easy, we are making it work. This schedule is not forever.