It was truly a pleasure meeting you last night. I think that if we had a bias about girl drummers before, that is all gone. Your explanation about reading that book that challenged you to consider doing what you want with your life was excellent. If you don’t mind, could you send me the name of the book?
So…regarding music: The overwhelming response we felt and discussed after you left was why didn’t you start playing drums five years ago? If you had, we definitely felt that we would have found our drummer. The only issue we have right now is that we really can’t wait for you to get to the level that you certainly will be and we need you to be. We all commented how amazing it was for someone to be at your level after only a few months of playing.
There is no doubt in my mind that you will land in another band shortly. Your attitude and love for playing music is obvious. This might sound strange but do let me know what you are doing musically as I’d love to see you play.
Regards and best of luck,
(name of bassist inserted here)
this is the book that inspired me to begin drumming:
Bass: he looked like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and had similar mannerisms. He was so nice and the main contact during this whole operation. He pulled up in an sweet audi.
Singer: he strolled in late. he had a warm smile and overgrown, droopy curls in his hair. He is from Poland.
Guitarist and studio-in-his-house guy: he is like a matthew sweet, grown-out hair guy. He doesn't like to make eye contact much and his whole life is music. making it, recording it, perfecting sounds, etc.
Setting up my kit went smoothly. They arranged themselves so they would be facing me while we played the songs. This did not intimidate me as much as it should have. i had nervous tingles in my fingers and arms like the feeling of waiting to perform on a stage. it was a happy, exciting energy listening to the lead guitar heading into song #1. I enter both songs perfectly on beat and maintain a pretty steady rhythm throughout. this was my goal. I did, however, drop a stick here and there when I would relax too much and try to look around, away from my cheat sheet. I honestly don't know if they noticed cos they were all focused on their own thing and it was pretty noisy. I didn't feel too worried about it. The singer struggled hitting his notes and the guitar and bass had some slip-ups (I only know because they said so). I rocked song #2 all over the place! We played both a few times and some misc. sounds as well.
They played a click track and that helped me to stay on beat, it was like my water wings. This took a lot of the pressure off. they planned to do this before I came, so I can't say it was an indication of my playing.
I feel I delivered what a week's worth of my hard work can present. it felt good. like driving a car. my hands and feet knew just what to do.
We talked a lot and laughed some after playing songs. It felt comfortable, like I had known these guys for a while. It appears as though they are looking to record their drummer into already-recorded songs and play live gigs every month. I think if they were patient with me and willing to take a chance, I could be that drummer.
While driving home, I had a peaceful feeling of accomplishment. I set out to take a risk and try something new and I did it. I was scared and nervous and unsure of myself, but I did it. And that feels good.
I don't think I am the puzzle piece to their open spot and that's feeling more alright than I though it would. Their astonsihment of me only having 4 months under my belt was reward enough for me.
my arm is weak from the constant hitting of the hi-hat cymbals. my stress level is up and there are so many little details in the songs I have to ignore because it would take me a couple more weeks to incorporate them well into the basic beats I have somewhat mastered. Trying to pull all of them together at this point would throw off the rhythm in the codes I have cracked and cause a ruckus of noise. Must go with basics and hope they realize a week isn't enough time to perfectly master one song, let alone two.
confidence from yesterday turned to mush during spots of frustration today. getting some things wrong and dropping a stick a few times. I have to mentally release the stress from my shoulders as I play and can hear it in my playing once I ease up. it's amazing how well I sound when I am not thinking about it and actually relax. how can i feel that way tomorrow in front of 3 strangers? and my one chance with them to shine?
they will look to me to carry the beats and i will look to them for the musical cues and transition from verses to chorus. will they be in sync? will they sound anything like their recorded selves? Or will it be chaos that greatly distracts me from my playing? I have no idea what it will be like or how I will do under pressure.
I have to continue to remind myself that this is a fun and exciting experience and it's not a reality t.v. series where people will make fun of me if I screw up. I will most likely never see any of these guys again so it's really nothing more than an experience to play live music. Which is something recently sought-after and new to me.
on the off-chance i turn out to be okay and jive with this band, it would be completely amazing. like stars in the sky are amazing and my son's eyes are amazing. unearthly amazing to me. and that hope scares me into some fear of disappointment for anything less. actual potential to feel a little hurt and dejected and that feeling sucks. so i want to avoid that. but it's too late because i sort of really want this to work out. i want to be good enough. i want my exhausting practice to pay off right away. not in several other auditions later, but now. this week. tomorrow.
so if it doesn't, which is a possibility I have to realize, I have to be okay and learn from the process. More importantly I have to remember to relax and have fun while I am there and live in the joy of playing my awesome DRUMS! instead of fearing an aftermath before I give myself the chance to succeed.
so here's to being on the fence between
A) it's a fun experience who cares what happens!
B) i want this to work out. here is my sweat and tears. let's be a band.
i hate your guts right now. you are impossible to learn! you are not constructed like a traditional song and my arm is going to fall off from trying so hard to learn you. i wish you were a bug so i could throw you against the wall and watch you splatter. i will get this and master you. i am told this is what the process of learning a new song is supposed to feel like.
i should look really cool by thursday for my audition after i have ripped out all of my hair.
Time for some all-nighters alternating sit-ups and drum practice.
This band sounds pretty good (coldplay-ish) and are more grown-up than not (mid 30's). They have recorded in a studio and practice 1-2 times a week and play gigs once a month. Am I really ready for this experience-wise? Probably not. I have the confidence in my natural talent to get there and play all that I know. I am just so thrilled with the idea of sitting down with my drums with some musicians who know a lot more than I do about how to play music. With instruments I have been in awe of since adolescent years. Even if it is only for an audition. Even if it is only for one song.
I feel like a kid booking a trip for Disneyland.
thanks for making me laugh out loud this fine afternoon, Jenni
In that time a lot has happened with the organic structure. Running. Not Running. Eating out a lot. Eating salads. Mashed potatoes 5 days a week. Losing, gainging, losing. GIVING BIRTH. Leftover sagginess I never thought could reside on my body. Hardcore Running. Fit! Aerobics. Chocolate. Winter. winter. winter.
BLAM. we live in california. it's sunny here. a lot. it's getting warm. hot. sweaty. must utilize pool.
During the past decade I have learned to love this skin I am in, no matter the condition. I did not think making a necessary transition to the dreaded one-piece swimsuit would be so shameful.
Some would argue this is in good taste for modesty purposes, given that I am married and a mother.
I, however, insist that it is a sign of giving in to the letting go of the middle section, the allowing of it to be lazy.
The middle section was not given much thought in pre-birthing years. Genes provided me with other areas to target at the gym. The middle section has woefully been neglected as its newly, overbearing needs have snuck up on me too rapidly. This is what it means for me to purchase the one-piecer. The middle section is frowning and asking why I haven't given her more attention prior to this gift of swimable summer.
I am so sorry, middle section. Your signals of overflow have motivated me to run this month. However, I dare not allow you out of the basement to see the sunlight until another summer when I have better prepared you for the swimming pool. I still love you. You are still part of me and we will work together on this. I will empty out that junk food cabinet tomorrow, which has recently grown into 4 shelves. As soon as I finish that last Red Vine.
The teenage girls across the street aren't helping much with the healing process.
Neither are their bikinis.
I think this might be what it will feel like to turn 30.
I miss wearing my pink coat
loud New Yoawka accents
the fashion forward people around me
no chit chat from the cashiers
bronx river parkway
the duck pond
Zane's blue & yellow room
being settled, things in places where I want them
my safe, smaller home with only one entrance to secure
the neighborly dry cleaning discount
my porch light
borrowing an egg from mimi, my neighbor
The grumpy italian guy down the block
The Jesus statue in his lawn
the crazy dad that yelled at his kids on the other side of the fence
the girl on Kensington who played basketball out front after school
my drumming lessons
the wedding store that always had a new, dazzling dress displayed in the window
the cobbler! we had a cobbler!
my refrigerator that didn't close on me with brute force
my oven lock
afternoons at the park with friends and their kids I have seen grow since birth
being there for a friend who needs me
getting a slice with that friend when I need her
I don't have interesting pictures to post. Somehow this new place seems all too familiar.
These are all the brilliant reasons (in addition to several others) that led me to insist we live in Walnut Creek. It's charming, safe, beautiful, convenient. It just doesn't provide a great deal of blog material.
We plan to get the momentum started again and have begun a list of places to visit and things to see in SF and surrounding bay areas. I have yet to venture out into SF with just Zane, but that's a goal of mine for next month.
Time to shake things up and get out of our comfortable routines. And how the hell did comfortable become so quick to achieve? Funny, one waits 7 years for easy street and then one goes looking for opportunity to drag the stroller around and complicate the day further away.
Dear Hayward Fault,
By 'shake things up' I didn't mean I want an earthquake. Ever. Please don't.
Shots of fathers and kids are some of my favorites.
Today I spoke with my friend, Debra, who grew up in CA and incidentally lived in this exact home right before we moved in. She advised me that you will know an earthquake is happening when the light in the foyer sways. And yes, it swayed several times when she lived here. Then she said the sideways ones are not a big deal, but the up and down ones break everything.
Some nights I fall asleep quickly and peacefully. Other nights I lay awake waiting for the earthquake to shake it up (oo-oo). I imagine how fast I can run down the hallway, one flight of stairs, and down another hallway to get to my baby and protect him. If I ever have to execute my manic dash in an earthquake I will really be wishing we had looked into that Family Bed method, afterall.
1. select favorite flavor, but leave the blue for your sister
2. cut the end open which contains the least amount of frozen delight
3. bite off about an inch of otter pop
4. allow the remaining otter pop to defrost until you see signs of condensation
5. crush remaining otter pop with hand, resort to teeth crushing if necessary
6. push up like a well-flavored slirpee
8. repeat process, but always remember grape is never good, so leave it as a last resort
9. Never, I repeat NEVER eat otter pops in their liquid, unfrozen state!!!
I have also become part of an amazing world-wide networking system!
Each time we have moved (6 times in 7 years) we have found a gaggle of Mormon strangers to meet us on our doorstep to assist with unloading the moving truck.
With each move I am grateful and touched by the generosity of people who do not even know us, yet provide comfort and support.
With this move I had someone (hi, Karen!) accept my car before I came, provide dinner for me and my son that evening and invite my whole family to dinner the following week.
This was followed by a ladies party last night, a craft get-together tonight, a play day at the park tomorrow morning and a few other events on the calendar for the following weeks. My calendar is filling and it’s only 2 weeks into the ordeal!
With each move I also get the ever evasive question:
“Do you scrapbook?” with eager heads turned, waiting for my response.
It’s like that moment in teen movies when the party goes silent and the record scratches to a stop.
“No, I do not scrapbook”.
Usually there is either an awkward silence or someone else changes the subject quickly as if there was a major party foul.
I decided from now on I am going to respond with one of the following:
1) “More importantly, do you listen to indie rock?”
2) “Where did you say you got that big bow in your hair from? I really love it!”
3) “Oh, only when I can fit it into my tight schedule of PRO SKATEBOARDING. You skate, don’t you?”
4) “Sorry, I am a drummer and it’s against my band’s code of ethics.”
5) Liz, time to get over your lack of crafty insecurities and let the conversation ride.
They are as follows:
Sunny Day Real Estate
My Bloody Valentine
Pet Shop Boys
Tears for Fears
Echo and the Bunnymen
Anything from Sub Pop
Anything from Look Out!
Before living in NY I was pretty laid back and truly loved everyone I met. I even had a bumper sticker on my car once with a tie-dyed sun on it and probably some others among the 200+ stickers that would further prove I was born into the wrong generation.
This is why I think we were destined to live in our current home. It's totally a 70's pimp plaza. Complete with wet bar in the living room. I love the mirror wall with decorative gold embellishment and wood burning oven. The peep hole in the front door is like a captain's telescope on a ship. It moves! You can look up, down, or either side. Each time I look out of it I imagine a pimped-out guy with shiny white loafers and a half-buttoned polyester shirt, tight white pants once stood there watching his guests arrive for a groovy party.
I am only slightly curious what the original kitchen looked like, but I bet it was pretty cool. I prefer the current update, though, cos it completes me. I never thought I would feel this way about a kitchen. Mike has to lure me away from it with chocolate or his pimp-like moves.
We so belong here. The house totally says: 'Fullers. Where have you been all my life?'
I chuckled inside this week when we went for 'sushi' in SF while I ate my California Roll.....IN California. I often have to remind myself that I really live here now and say it out loud to make it seem more real. That my zip code starts with 9. That we can (and did) get sunburns.
Each day it feels less like a vacation and more like my new home. I can't get over how bright it is and how blue the sky is EVERY DAY (so far). In NY you have to jump at the chance you have a fully good-weather-day: one that's not too humid; sunny, but not chilly. Then you drop what you are doing and get the kid to the park before it changes. I feel like I landed in paradise.
Don't get me wrong, David Gray's latest album suffocates my heart each time I listen to it -for what I have left behind so far away, what will never be replaced no matter where I live or who I meet.