8:30 am: walgreens. zane learns to say malibu (ma- boo).
9 am: paperwork at urgent care.
9:30 am: jumping for joy in parking lot
10:30 am: most of my family is drugged, we are all happy
12:30 cowboys and indians
2:00 pm d-d-dd-d-DORA
6 pm: the most delicious bean dip
11 pm: everest on discovery channel
I would have to say this has been one of the happiest days of 2006 for several reasons, some of which I choose not to write about today.
I only have 1 sibling and he has 7. He was raised a different religion than I was raised. He had lived in a different city, state, and country than I had before we were married. Parenting styles that raised us were different. Educational interests were different.
Marriage does have hard moments. Regardless of the background of each person, it can have some really rough days. That's what people need to be aware of when they get married. They need to be aware of the roses and the thorns. Wait, this is becoming a GNR song. Ick.
Redirecting thought.....I have just really enjoyed my stay in Arizona this week. I have driven down roads that reminded me of my dating years with my beau. Of the nights he would come over just because I wanted to make out. Raves. Gameworks. Getting kicked out of hot tubs. Trips. The cubby hole at the cabin. Concerts. Wally ball. The big jeep I hated to climb into and worried about how we would drive it in the winters of NY. How we had no idea the experiences ahead of us when we first held hands. The people we would encounter. The things that would make us laugh. The fights we would have. The times we would care for each other, sick on the bathroom floor. The decisions we would need to make. And there are still more ahead, so many more. It's nice to be here and take pause to reflect on how it all started on these very roads. And to know we will be back. Not today perhaps, maybe not even next year, but we both know we will be back for a good while.
We are so different today. We are very different people. A mixture of time and experience has changed us individually and as a family unit. The difference in upbringing adds a spice to the mixture that makes the other person just as simply lovely and interesting as the first day that we met.
However cliché it is, I have to admit when it's a blissfully happy marriage day, it's clear to me I would not smile as long that day if I didn't have the memories of the harder marriage days behind me. And the perspective to know they will happen again, but we will just have softer ammo.
I raced into my room, pushing my sister aside, to listen to the words as carefully as I possibly could. I think I even stuffed a towel under the door to avoid any possible interruption. If you saw Little Miss Sunshine you will always remember the little girl's smile when she listens to that voice message telling her she is in the pagaent, afterall. That little girl will feel that way again when a boy hands her a love song and tells her that's how he feels about her.
I gave him The Jesus and Mary Chain single to Head On and I meant every breath of that song when I handed him the tape. It is a powerful feeling to hand someone your heart for the first time.
It doesn't really matter that he dropped out of school, nor that there were rumors he liked a boring, mis-shapen girl more than me. That simple gesture made me see stars that day and that was awesome. That shelf in my heart waited for another song to keep it company over the years, but it just got dusty.
Fall 2006 my husband comes home from work and tells me in the kitchen he heard a song that made him think of me. BUT he can't remember any of the words, who sang it, or how the tune goes. I dusted of that shelf in my heart and have kept it nice and clean, waiting.
This week Mike is sitting in his mother's kitchen and I am chasing our son away from the his favorite toy, you know, the dead bolt on the door. A song randomly shot into the air and he said "that's it! that's the song!" His sister's mobile phone is ringing to the tune of Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars. My eyes fill with tears and my heart spills over. I am at a loss for words, but look him in the eyes with nothing less than a look that says let's go make a baby.
* My poor husband suffering senselessly in the restroom for two days. It was too awful to tag it as a flu. It was more like that time he had to prepare for a colonoscopy before being diagnosed for Celiac Disease. He had to eat/ drink nothing but water and chicken broth for days to make sure his system was clean. Oh, and silly me, I can't forget to mention the series of white boxes that contained medicine he was required to take, assisting in the 'cleansing' process. He lovingly refers to the results of these products as a$$punch.
* I know I am definitely riding in my mother's car when I check her CD selection:
red hot chili peppers
all american rejects
* Why do I seemingly have the only toddler on earth interested and able to unlock dead bolts and successfully exit any door of his choosing?
* For some reason I have no idea how to strike up conversation with my extended relatives (?). It's quite confusing. When I meet strangers at the park- well, we can go on for hours.
* If I had to say there is a location that feels like home, right now in my life that would be New York. As for a scent, that would be the desert after a rain storm. There is truly no other calming aroma on earth to match it.
*My husband will most likely have an unintentional mullet by the end of his vacation.
* It is decided that holiday yard art is best if it does not involve characters. Lights are fabulous on trees, roof tops, columns, or plants - as they are cheery and bright. There could really be a post just on this topic, but I don't have the energy or evidence collected to properly demonstrate the Do's and Don'ts.
* Of all things I am grateful for this year, I would have to say NOT getting Mike's a$$punch sickness is probably towards the top of that list.
I know, get over it Liz. But I was a little too excited to fill out my "Did you feel it?" report on-line about the little earthquake. The process cemented my awareness of the mildness I felt when I had to answer the following questions with no:
Did you take action
(i.e. stand under a doorway)?
Objects fall off shelves?
Pictures on walls move?
Masonry crack or fall?
Appliances or furniture
become displaced or tip over?
Chimney become dislodged?
Light fixtures fall?
Windows cracked or broken ?
Separation of porch or balcony?
Earth suck you into a giant trench?*
Have a heart attack?*
Home turn to rubble
and dust around your feet?*
Cry in fear?*
Wish you lived somewhere else?*
You are a big wuss.
I was a little too eager
to finally answer yes to the following:
Did other people in the room feel it?
Did you hear creaking?
Were objects in the room swaying?
Did you over-react?*
to confirm it was what you really felt?*
Think about emergency preparedness
kit you never put together?*
You would never have been be a tough pioneer gal.
*okay so i added some of my own questions, so what.
** not my pic
Around 7:15 this evening I felt my first ever earthquake (that blue square on the map). I was in Concord, CA sitting on a couch in the home of an elderly lady, Margie, and visiting with another gal, Jen, from church. Jen is also new to living in earthquake zone.
It felt like someone shoved the whole house forward. My body wanted to brace for a fall that never came. Margie didn't skip a beat, she continued with her story as if nothing happened. She has lived in California her whole life. Jen and I looked at each other and her wide eyes matched the hair standing on the back of my neck. The shiny red and gold balls swinging on the branches of the Christmas tree confirmed that we did, indeed, feel an earthquake.
My arms felt so empty not having my son to hold and protect, even though there was essentially nothing to protect him from. The 'what if it's only a preshock' wouldn't budge from my mind for a good 3 minutes. Images of 1906 flip through my head.
I call Mike and Zane, Margie waits patiently to finish her story. She smiles as I buzz about the movement. Mike barely felt it and said "oh is that what that was?"
I almost forgot to sit down and write about it once I got home. I guess my anxiety-laden brain has come a long way. In June, July, and August I laid awake at night for hours waiting for this moment to happen. Waiting to feel the ride of being inside an etch-a-sketch that only gets halfway shaken. I kept waiting to be shifted back to where I began when first sat on the couch, surely I had been moved at least 9 inches forward. Margie assumed it was roughly a 4.0 magnitude.
Turns out she wasn't that far off. It was Berkeley that had the earthquake tonight at a 3.7 magnitude at 7:12pm.
Mr. Hayward fault, go back to sleep for a very, very long time.
the night I got home the camera had several shots to choose from nestled in the card, however both the reader and inside of my camera have been destroyed by my posterity.
in sum- they are cute. jerry was brave to cut them and felt jazzed about how he did.
i am still learning to fix them and deciding how i feel about them. that feeling changes every 6 minutes. and then i looked at some other people with bangs and decided i can rock the bangs, too. i just have to wear it like i rock them.
i am glad i took to the plunge as it will encourage me to wear my hair down more often and actually make more effort to clean up and pretend to be presentable. you know, less like a housewife and more like a housewife with bangs that tries to be cool.
i think they could ultimately try to look a little like jenny lewis (above) in a couple weeks with 1/2 inch more length. although she is workin' the mini that really says 'i can have no hair and be awesome' so i honestly don't think i should ever compare any part of me to even half of her.
i just don't want to think they look cool,
but really be mistaken for a P.E. teacher.
That is when I will seek an opportunity to learn and master this beauty. A '50s Stratocaster Relic Fender. I touch it every time I visit Guitar Center as I pass it on the way to lick my ideal drum kit.
If I could have music accompany this post it would be monks chanting. Or maybe just some angels singing in unison.
When I get to see it in person it's like that feeling of a heavy crush. When Mike would arrive to work and pass by my cubicle and my breath would halt. I am immediately aware of every misplaced hair and imperfection, but my eyes still gaze like a doe in a trance. I wonder if I have food in my teeth.
Yes, I am comparing my attraction to a guitar with the likeness of how I fell in love with a man from across the room. Only in this case I get to fully have my way with the guitar when I see it without exchanging a single word.
Once we were in the produce aisle and Zane was hysterically bored. I had several items to collect at various spots, so I decided it would be best to park him in front of the avocados and a scale. He insisted it was a clock. We discussed how it does look similar to a clock, but the important thing was that he stops screaming and place delicious avocados on the scale and watch the weight change. This game was a winner as I collected all of my needed produce and we were on our way to play the pull-out-coupons in the frozen food section.
Each grocery trip begins in the produce section, which happens to be the most highly populated area of our shopping excursions. As we enter the section he immediately recalls the scale incident and gets excited to repeat the game. Normally I am in a rush to get in and out of the store so we zip through, although never without incident. Zane screams and whines and shouts for the "clock". Shoppers whip their heads around, darting eyes in annoyance.
The most wonderful part is his inability to pronounce with word properly. He still forgets the L in the word CLOCK.
It was tradition that HR support roles be present in departmental meetings, often delivering presentations. It would be nice to put names to faces so my org charts could finally come alive.
They began the meeting introducing me as a new member of the support team, their new HR contact. I sat slightly nervous with the hard glances that came my way. They threw some skeptical curve balls my way that I answered well. This was going to be different. I tried to sit properly and held my posture like stone, tightening my stomach and telling myself I can do this. I know what I am doing. Trying to push every ounce of confidence to the expression on my face. Be friendly but don't be a pushover. Don't let them know your youth, you need credibility. Be stalwart.
The spotlight moved off of me, something I normally don't choke on, and now was focused on the conducting manager. They went around the room and each person had to answer the same question; an ice breaker if you will.
What was your favorite childhood toy received for Christmas?
I was starting to sweat, what would be a noble answer? What would make me sound smart and grown up and 'hey I know what I am doing, even since I was a kid' toy? I was glad the game started on the other side of the room.
I don't remember hearing what other people replied with, I was too nervous trying to figure out my own answer. Glimpses of DOLL HOUSE and BARBIE VAN and KEN! were shoved out of my head. What on earth would I say. I can't make it obvious that I am several generations away from this group. They have to know I can support their ER issues with professionalism and wisdom. One answers with a joke that his item was telling of his older age, but I blank out on what the toy was.
It was coming down to the wire, a few more people before me. My hands were sweaty under the conference room table. Then it came to me- of course! A toy I loved that would impress those who love technology, it was perfect. And before I could think my mouth started moving with a gracious smile,
"Well, this might be telling my age, but my favorite childhood gift was Nintendo".
Someone from the back of the room shouts "NINTENDO?! I was in college when that came out!"
Another replies, "I bought that for MY kids!"
The rooms burst into a medley of chuckles as I shift in my seat. I decided I would laugh, too. I was up next on the agenda and my nerves were calmed. I launched into my presentation with ease and remembered just being myself, all but stalwart, is a lot more fun for all of us.
Something about making other people laugh, even at my own expense, makes me feel unstoppable.
No matter where you were or what happened in these shirts, they still made you feel so happy.
I got rid of most of mine in college when I discovered the cute little vintage dresses at the local thrift store. They were much more flattering. I wish I had kept those t-shirts, for pjs if nothing else. They held more memories and sentiment than an entire collection of Christmas ornaments. They would have been great art to frame for my drumming room.
I could tell you the first was an orange Mudhoney with an illustration of a man at a urinal. But I didn't really go to that concert, I snuck it from my sister's room once she left for school. I thought I had fooled them all.
I also wore her Lemonheads, the one with a picture of a hand wearing a mood ring. I think it was an XL and I still had not fully experienced puberty. I imagine I looked gravely thin and ill in that shirt.
My first was a white t-shirt that was so long, the back of it read EMF across my bottom. Not sure if that was an intended effect or not. I worked that one until it had holes and areas were worn transparent. After it was too used, it became the cross county work-out shirt of choice. It led me to a conversation with a boy that eventually broke my heart.
Beastie Boys ringer with picture of van got traded for a faded blue basketball hoop. I liked the blue shirt too much and not as much the person I traded with. It was the softness of the fibers and comfortable fit we never could get right. I walked away too easily with this new shirt.
Portishead. It didn't fit right, it was a small and they were finally making them for girls. I never even liked that band. What was he thinking? This ended up in the D.I. pile.
Material Issue white, band's giant feet stretched out before them. I just remember meeting my biological father and wearing this shirt when he took me to Fanny Mae, a candy store I knew my mother loved. I wished she was there with me instead. I got mint meltaways. The plane landed back home and it was 30 minutes before the show began. My airport pick-up crew said I would never make it in time. It was such a Ferris Bueller moment and worked out so smoothly- I got them on a VIP list so my ride could get me there, attend, and get me home that night. I think they had a good time. Weezer opened.
VooDoo Glowskulls. It was the perfect size for layering on top of long johns for spring boarding trips. They matched my evil knievel pants perfectly. I think it was the last concert T-shirt I let go of after a camping trip with Mike.
His last was School of Fish in green. As much as I hated that shirt and I couldn't wait to get rid of it, it still made me love him all the more.
It's extra great
Parenthood does not come naturally for me.
The yellow flowers on the corner are still brightly alive after a few nights of freezing temperatures.
I cannot hide my emotions. No matter how hard I try.
It's a lemon bush, not tree.
The lemons keep getting bigger.
My neighbor's health is a lot worse than I thought.
A girl needs girlfriends, many of them.
I really really love to wear my big, brown Etnies shoes. Even though the other moms might look at them funny.
I think I really like my neighborhood, afterall. I'm pretty lucky to live here.
Making someone else smile meant a lot more to me that day than self-pity.
Laughing with a friend is better than the best chocolate. I am glad for those calls. Funny friends are tops with me.
New Order isn't so bad.
I can rearrange my calendar and To Do list this month in a way that will subside the stress.
Running a household is a lot like running a business. I knew this before, but had to remind myself of this when prioritizing and reviewing projects, budgets, and scheduling 'meetings'.
Sunshine makes a big difference in my day.
I want to be better at certain things.
I know I can.
When I tried to repeat the gesture to her voicemail I stumbled upon a gem. It went something like this:
I am 3'5'' and weigh 554 lbs. I am a slothful, lazy bastard and do not enjoy outdoor activity. I mostly like to sit on the couch and scratch myself. I like t.v. dinners and hearty amounts of gravy. I collect stamps and scabs. If you have a good sense of humor call me.
We laughed so hard and truly contemplated calling this guy for a good laugh. If pervert could have been surely ruled out I think we would have invited him to join us for the usual weekend concert (it was almost always Agent Orange opening for some reason). I wonder if anyone ever did call him or get the humor of his ad.
That little experience is why I fell instantly for the movie Ghost World.
I plan to invest in the comic, which inspired the movie.
I think I was 14 when I watched a VHS tape of them in concert and had only had one of their albums at the time. I knew I liked the band and the music they played, but watching them perform live made me feel it more deeply. That tape was the first time I heard the song Pictures of You. I sat frozen on the living room floor that night watching it alone and from the moment the song began until it ended there was peace on earth. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I raced back to my room to pull out my boom box and recorded it. I stayed up all night listening to it with my ear pressed against the speaker until I knew every word.
I believe I felt the emotions of being in love and traces of heartbreak through listening to these musicians long before I had a serious crush on a boy. Intense emotions I was not aware I was capable of.
Most of the songs on my favorites list have nothing to do with personal connectivity to the lyrics or boys I had feelings for. Although some were written so perfectly it was like they were written for me and the boy specifically. Some remind me of a night in Paris I dreamed about as a little girl. Others perhaps the scent of the locker room as I would scrunch my hair with apple hair spray before anxiously seeing him. And some abstract torments and pleasures that exist within happy relationships.
I can't reach for all the words I am looking for when I write about The Cure. I just know it makes me appreciate my passionate feelings that enjoy flying around when I listen.
My first Three's Company situation went relatively well. Paul and Jaime were a few years older and had good jobs. I knew them from working at a restaurant, although I was working at the bank the time I moved in. We were all busy and we had our own rooms. A month into it I discovered somehow Paul and Jaime has distain for each other. I still don't know how it began, I just knew I was in the middle of it. And since I was upstairs on the 'girls' floor he assumed we stayed up late and talked about how much we hated him. So he avoided us both and we essentially had the place to ourselves.
He decided out of the blue he had to leave college and move to NY with nothing but a duffel bag of clothing and began selling everything else he owned. While I admired his adventurous side and good taste in music, I had some re-collecting of my CDs to handle while he was at work one day. Jaime had to find her sign language video he borrowed years ago. We held our breath and went in. His room was a disaster and his bathroom had mold growing on the ceiling. They had to remove and replace the toilet because it was so gross and dirty once he left. We didn't know what we would find looking for our belongings, we just knew we had to be quick and careful. I found my CDs, they were melted to a plastic holder he had left baking for months in his car. I peeled them off and assisted Jaime with her search. We couldn't find her tape anywhere. Then we both looked at the VCR, then at each other, not saying a word. She pushed EJECT. Slowly a movie emerged from the VRC: Raquel in the Wild.
I think we screamed and did the jittery-skieved-out dance and ran upstairs to the girls section of the home and scrubbed our hands clean. She determined her video was no longer important. But we sure got a kick out of leaving messages on the white board in the kitchen for the remaining months he lived with us.
Have a great day!
We disbanded as a group and then it was Kiley (the Jack of the group if you will) and Candice. Candice worked with me at the bank, but called in sick a lot so I took a chance with her. Kiley answered an ad we put on the college roommate section of a community message board. He ended up being the big risk. He didn't go to school after all, hopped from job to job, and drank a lot. I think he would have been the perfect neighbor, not roommate. We had fun going to concerts and hearing about his crazy girlfriends. However, one night he passed out in the living room, left the front door and fridge wide open AND ate the rest of the enchiladas. I had enough. We kicked him out that month.
Then Sean moved in, another winner from the school community board. He played the song Plush by Stone Temple Pilots too many times each day with his acoustic guitar. I think it was the only song he knew how to play. I didn't like that song to begin with, so you can imagine my feelings of love and adornment for him as time went on. The only duty we asked when he moved in was to be in charge of taking the garbage out. He did it too few times until I started putting it into his room. He and Candice fell in love and got freaky all the time. I was happy when they went their separate living ways far away from me and my bedroom walls.
That's when I decided to give the all girls living situation a shot. The Christian girl getting married to the wedding singer and the brunette bombshell with the best and longest legs you have ever seen (Mike you aren't allowed to comment on this post, thanks). Men would literally compliment her on her legs whenever we were in public. She wasn't my favorite friend to attend the beach with.
Legs moved out to live with her sister and a little nut job with a perm moved in. She had the boyfriend that was out on parole, not yet divorced, and 12 years her senior. She was a nursing student and had an unhealthy obsession with South Park. Things got ugly with her, there was screaming, drama, harsh words exchanged, and tears. All the madness was abruptly ended as I escaped to my wedding with my eternal roommate.
All of this is to say how incredibly easy it is to live with my husband and son. Probably because I am the drama queen and there is no room for anyone else to be difficult.
It is also to say that I don't honestly know how to reply when the guys in this band email me an mp3 to learn Plush. It's going to be like drinking razor blades and mouthwash for me to play it.
The practice room was rented on the east side of Oakland's industrial section. It was one of many practice rooms about the size of a master bedroom. Purple carpet lined the floor and walls. Several wacky couches filled spaces along walls. My favorite one was red, but the most useful was the peach as I needed to steal one of it's cushions to sit on as my throne sucks and that New Order song had a really fast beat; comfort and extra bum support were essential.
Across the hall was a mega heavy metal screaming band that made my arms sore to think of the poor drummer keeping up with them. Down the hall I saw a ska band that set up in their own room as I arrived. I liked the personal touch of the little rude boy hats. They didn't sound so bad. As for us and our sound, they are definitely better than I am at my instrument, but not by too great of a margin that I was intimidated. I was weak on the Social Distortion song, but when the singer/ bassist revealed he hated to sing it I sighed a deep relief. I didn't know it as well as I wanted to, but it is a lot of fun to play due to the constant crashing of the ride symbol. I enjoyed beating the hell out of my drums so I could be heard over the amps and officially feel the timid me has been left behind.
I have been invited back to play with these two guys again next week.
Have I found my band? Time will tell...