wonderfully pretty

I am in the process of something great: my top 10+ songs by The Cure. I have been reshuffling this list in my head for months and months, so it feels good to get it set in somewhat of a final order. I hope to get all techy like a relative of mine (hi brandon) and link the actual audio of the selected songs. This could mean another month will go by before you see it, but it's really the only proper way to reveal your first love.

I think I was 14 when I watched a VHS tape of them in concert and had only had one of their albums at the time. I knew I liked the band and the music they played, but watching them perform live made me feel it more deeply. That tape was the first time I heard the song Pictures of You. I sat frozen on the living room floor that night watching it alone and from the moment the song began until it ended there was peace on earth. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I raced back to my room to pull out my boom box and recorded it. I stayed up all night listening to it with my ear pressed against the speaker until I knew every word.

I believe I felt the emotions of being in love and traces of heartbreak through listening to these musicians long before I had a serious crush on a boy. Intense emotions I was not aware I was capable of.

Most of the songs on my favorites list have nothing to do with personal connectivity to the lyrics or boys I had feelings for. Although some were written so perfectly it was like they were written for me and the boy specifically. Some remind me of a night in Paris I dreamed about as a little girl. Others perhaps the scent of the locker room as I would scrunch my hair with apple hair spray before anxiously seeing him. And some abstract torments and pleasures that exist within happy relationships.

I can't reach for all the words I am looking for when I write about The Cure. I just know it makes me appreciate my passionate feelings that enjoy flying around when I listen.