goodbye new york

have a good summer


it's been real


Meet the drum instructor, Shane.

Meet his band highbench here: http://www.highbenchmusic.com/

Good stuff. Intense energy and much musical talent pours out of these guys.

So I took my last train out of Grand Central Station last night. It was my last time in NYC for a long time.
The highlight of the subway experience was when a man entered with his bike, nothing unusual. Only a large man in a suit standing next to him loudly proclaimed:

"There are 3 things I hate on the subway: bikes, strollers, and crack addicts!"

From here you never know where the entertainment will take you. Will it be matched with hostility? Will the comment simply be ignored? Could it lead to a fight and which direction should I go to get out of the way?

The young man with the bike gave him a warm glance and stated simply:

"Well, you are really going to hate me now because I have a stroller in my packpack".

Only one person laughed, that was me. Mostly cos I had a pound of crack in my bag.


you say i procrastinate

Today's audio for my packing enjoyment:

Michael Penn: Resigned

Dido: Life for Rent

The Cure: kiss me, kiss me, kiss me

NIN: Pretty Hate Machine

The Wonder Stuff: Construction for the Modern Idiot

This is the random assortment I pulled together after I packed up half of my CD collection this week. I forgot the golden rule: music should be last on and first off the truck!


last train to clarksville

As my last days in NY are winding down, I am frequently asked if I am excited for my pending move to California. To this I always find myself taking a pause, smiling and aiming for a reply I think people want to hear.

The truth is I am mixed with so many feelings about this move. In the winter I was jumping out of my skin to get out of here and didn't think once about the reality of leaving one of the most amazing places on the map. But this past month I have had a lot of 'last times' going places or seeing people where I had to force myself to not shed a tear. Last drive up the Saw Mill Parkway to my last drumming lesson. Last goodbye to friends from Brooklyn and other places we have lived. Last Sunday at church where my son went to his first nursery class and made his first friends. Last trip to the Manhattan temple. What will it feel like to close the red front door to our home that last time?

The anxiety of flying is setting in, making me physically ill if I think too long about it. Keeping a toddler on my lap the entire time is sure to take that edge off! The timing in which we need to have all boxes packed in addition to the art of suitcase packing and preparing just right to be in an empty house with a toddler for a week prior to boxes and husband arriving. Albeit, navigating through a new city doesn't frighten me as much as it should.

I know on a scale, these things are so small and temporary in comparison to the grand fact that we are going to live in California, a place I never (much like NY) bothered to dream of living in. I recognize the weather will be amazing, the people will be different and more laid back, and we are going to be living in larger space. It will be an adventure with new places to see, more outdoor opportunity for play and less snow. This excites me greatly, but for some reason my brain has the excitement button on hold. I think it will be available once the plane lands and several steps of uncertainty are past me. And mostly the painful goodbyes and letting go of all the things and people I hoped to see that one last time will be gone. Then the last period of the NY chapter will be typed.

It is so strange how this place I bitterly hated in 1999 has become my home, this place where we started our family. Where we experienced ups and downs and all-arounds and became better people than we were when we boarded that plane 7 years ago. I couldn't understand what people loved about NY until I started to know people that live here. Until I saw the culture in each neighborhood I was exposed to. Until I survived 9/11 with New Yorkers (and other transplants) at my side.

I never thought saying goodbye to a whole state could be a process that would involve melancholy feelings.

I feel like I am on the edge of a plane ready to sky-dive, but I know I have forgotten a bunch of stuff and the backpack has to be checked a couple more times.


okgo okwhoa

this brightens by day each time i watch it. you won't be able to get enough, either.
this video moved them up the ranks a million ways as one of my more favorire bands.



roll call

I have arranged my favorite list of roughly 40 blogs into 2 categories: photo blogs and word blogs. Then they are ranked [within each category] in order of frequency updated.

Is yours at the bottom of my list?

Did I mention if yours is not updated within a month it gets a big, fat delete? Unless you are graduating from NYU Stern, then I cut you some slack and keep you at the top. Because it means you were too busy helping put Zane to sleep at night after getting home from work and school and running.

Sometimes newborns in a family also merit an exception.



Today has been a special day for me to not be thirty for one last time. I have very much appreciated the calls and gestures by friends and family this week, and grandma last week! She is always on the ball that lively one!

But I had to post one of the more creative things anyone has ever made for me. A homemade card with candy in place of words on poster board! Here is how it reads:
On your special day, I wanted to tell you how much you've MENTO[s] me. From FIFTH AVENUE to the MILKY WAY, no greater friend can be found. I will always remember waiting for PAYDAY to go on a shopping SPREE. We always SKOR[d] a great deal (and never spend more than 100 GRAND). We shared a few SNICKERS as we joked about making a FASTBREAK to Vegas. And we had MOUNDS of fun at the SYMPHPONY- or was it a Death Cab for Cutie concert? Many times you have been my LIFESAVER in a CRUNCH. You were an EXTRA good listener to all my CAR[es][AMELLO]. You've been my best friend. So today I'm RAISINET[s] to you! New YORK will miss you....All I have to say is ROLO[ver] San Francisco, because HERSHEY comes!


Oh yea, my karate tattoo was a pretty amazing thing to get in the mail this week, too. How did you know?

goodbye, bathroom tile

One of my favorite parts of the movie Muriel's Wedding is when two best friends are leaving Porpoise Spit at the end and hang out of the car windows shouting goodbye to everything they pass, bursting with excitement for their new adventure somewhere else.

I really will miss this awesome tile.


quality control

Between the months of January and April I decided to do a test run on trying out a PT job from home. I chose to do this after thinking it over for several weeks, evaluating my schedule (Zane's schedule), praying about it in the temple, and really talking it through with Mike. It would mean sacrificing the somewhat tidiness of the house, t.v. time, Mike time on nights he would not have school, and have a less -than flexible schedule. It would mean no more random trips to Ikea in the middle of the afternoon for a Swedish Meatball lunch in NJ.

I felt confident it was what I should do and looked forward to the cerebral challenge I felt I was lacking in my life. I got hooked up with a laptop and cel phone. I got immediately immersed in conversations detailing Regional Logistics Management, Property Tax Accounting, and National Transportation to name a few. I learned much about the Supply Chain Finance side of a successful business. I spoke with highly intelligent men and women who appreciated my assistance in the interview pre-screening process. Many people I passed on to managers got hired. Many conversations with managers and candidates brought laughter into my afternoon or evening (times when Zane would be sleeping). I felt a sense of pride for matching good people to excellent jobs with a noble and fast-growing company.

While I felt like I was literally spinning from dishes to play time to professional talk, the days went by quickly and financial reserve was comforting. I also felt an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders the day I handed back the laptop and cel phone. I felt like I could be a complete mother and wife again. I felt like I could enjoy more moments at a more natural pace without rushing to get to the next scheduled thing.

I could take walks with Zane and let him point at each wheel of every parked car we pass as he learns to connect his words to objects. I could make a healthy, planned-out dinner instead of slapping PB on bread too many nights in a row. I am less of a slave to a self-made, tight schedule. I am happier.

And on Mother's Day when I held my son in the rocking chair curled up in a ball, he lifted his head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. He put his arms around my neck with his whole face smiling at me, I knew if he could say the words he would have told me he loved me. That is a moment I felt all the appreciation and self-worth I needed for a whole lifetime. Moments like that help me to know I made the right decision in June of 2004 when I walked away from my career.

I needed the PT job experience to appreciate those little moments again and remember how lucky I am to have them.



I wonder if it is common for people (me) to reflect on memories at a state of transition in one's (my) life.

One of my favorite Brooklyn street memories was when I was walking to catch the N train in Park Slope on a hot summer day and some college girls were having a stoop sale. Only as I scanned the items I thought it odd much was snowboarding gear and some male T-shirts carefully hung on a rack. Then I saw a cardboard sign with chalk scawled on it, which read: 'Ex-Boyfriend Stuff: Best Offer'.

Another was when I decided our apartment was too small to keep all the cassette tapes we owned, especially when we had no cassette player. I filled up 2 empty, giant Tide soap boxes and put them by the curb. A generation of music, it was painful but necessary. The next day I saw the garbage organizer for our building ride away with them on his bike. He was among one of the old Puerto Ricans in south slope and had an old tape player duct-taped to the middle of the bike. A bike that also had a barbie, a flag, a bell, and several odd items taped to it. I still chuckle when I imagine him blasting Mike's Fugazi or my Pop Will Eat Itself as he happily rides away.



We have guests for a BBQ arriving any moment and what am I doing? I am hiding my Girl Scout cookies like they are the Holy Grail. I always get Tagalongs thinking they are the PB sandwich ones, but they are not. They are the icky ones with a smudge of PB within a crumbly cookie covered in a thin chocolate. I wonder if I can find someone who would be up for a trade on Craig's List.

In other news, much to my dismay, A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Lincoln Center was a bore. At intermission I contemplated sneaking outside to see the fool drowning himself in the giant fishbowl. I appreciate amazing dancers a touch above the average person and believe me there was superb talent. I blame the choreography. Puck was slightly entertaining, but not laugh-out-loud comedy as others in the audience clearly felt. The energy of the children and their creative costumes were a delight. I acknowledge it was not a date night at a comedy club, but it also was not Swan Lake or Giselle. I had to stop and look around and ask myself if this is the right time in my life to be attending a ballet. Was I deserving of it? We were on the ground floor and as I scanned the room I saw very few people who did not have a hearing aid, a walking cane, orthopedic shoes, blue hair, or Chanel No. 5 oozing from their pores. I still long for a good rock concert and they are much more cost effective in comparison.

I also acknowledge I am not nearly as cultured as my neighbors in isles above and below me and have never picked up a Shakespeare play. I am guessing this has much to do with my misguided critique.


gotta learn html

I am a sucker for marketing. New food products get me every time, especially if they involve chocolate. My friend Lindsey and I can talk for hours about this. We consider ourselves experts.

I have been waiting for these Nestle Crunch Stixx for months. I have seen commercial after commercial teasing me with anticipation. Each weekly grocery trip I leave with my head hung low, much digust in Stop N Shop's candy isle. WELL. Today is the day. They finally carry them! It's like opening a present on Christmas morning: testing out the highly anticipated new product, before your friends are talking about it, while the commercials are still fresh. It's the cutting edge of candy right in the palm of my hand!

The packaging- opens much like a pack of cigs. Fitting, as my addiction to chocolate is much like that of a nicotine addict. Tubes of what I imagine to be rolled-up Crunch bars are individually wrapped. They are about as thick as an index finger and about as long as, well, a pen.

Moving on...So the taste. Well, rather disapponting. It was too much like a chocolate pirouette [http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00061EXCO/103-5409553-7443851?v=glance&n=3370831] with chocolate coating. I didn't taste the slightest resmblance of a Nestle Crunch bar. Also, it melted in my hands. Maybe they could make the individual packaging like a push-up pop so it wasn't so messy. I haven't been this let down since the Doritos Rollito's [http://www.fritolay.com/fl/flstore/cgi-bin/ProdSubEV_Cat_302_SubCat_352964_NavRoot_361689.htm].

In sum, I will not buy them again. I will go for the original Crunch bar instead. Kind of a bummer. Like opening up that box on Christmas morning you thought for sure would be a small t.v., but really turned out to be a sleeping bag.

This would still be the PRIME week to get my girlscout cookies.

a night with netflix

"It feels like someone's throwing marshmallows at me"


mint car

Dear Girl Scout,

Last week would have been a perfect week to get my girl scout cookies from you as my husband was absent and it would have been nice to have a little treat.

Today would have been a great day to get them, as well, as I am feeling really tired and could have used the sugar boost.

If they don't arrive by the end of the week I swear I am going to call the better business bureau.

Your Best Customer


I am not aware of the blossom scene in SF springtime, but I have heard cherry misty floats are quite accessable. This makes the Mister beyond thrilled.