Between the months of January and April I decided to do a test run on trying out a PT job from home. I chose to do this after thinking it over for several weeks, evaluating my schedule (Zane's schedule), praying about it in the temple, and really talking it through with Mike. It would mean sacrificing the somewhat tidiness of the house, t.v. time, Mike time on nights he would not have school, and have a less -than flexible schedule. It would mean no more random trips to Ikea in the middle of the afternoon for a Swedish Meatball lunch in NJ.
I felt confident it was what I should do and looked forward to the cerebral challenge I felt I was lacking in my life. I got hooked up with a laptop and cel phone. I got immediately immersed in conversations detailing Regional Logistics Management, Property Tax Accounting, and National Transportation to name a few. I learned much about the Supply Chain Finance side of a successful business. I spoke with highly intelligent men and women who appreciated my assistance in the interview pre-screening process. Many people I passed on to managers got hired. Many conversations with managers and candidates brought laughter into my afternoon or evening (times when Zane would be sleeping). I felt a sense of pride for matching good people to excellent jobs with a noble and fast-growing company.
While I felt like I was literally spinning from dishes to play time to professional talk, the days went by quickly and financial reserve was comforting. I also felt an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders the day I handed back the laptop and cel phone. I felt like I could be a complete mother and wife again. I felt like I could enjoy more moments at a more natural pace without rushing to get to the next scheduled thing.
I could take walks with Zane and let him point at each wheel of every parked car we pass as he learns to connect his words to objects. I could make a healthy, planned-out dinner instead of slapping PB on bread too many nights in a row. I am less of a slave to a self-made, tight schedule. I am happier.
And on Mother's Day when I held my son in the rocking chair curled up in a ball, he lifted his head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. He put his arms around my neck with his whole face smiling at me, I knew if he could say the words he would have told me he loved me. That is a moment I felt all the appreciation and self-worth I needed for a whole lifetime. Moments like that help me to know I made the right decision in June of 2004 when I walked away from my career.
I needed the PT job experience to appreciate those little moments again and remember how lucky I am to have them.
