We got a lemon tree, a bunch of rose bushes, lots of space, a garage and all sorts of awesome perks when we moved into this house. We also inherited vertical blinds, ultimately 4 pairs to cover the 4 sliding glass doors. Let me tell you a thing or two about vertical blinds, in case you have not had the pleasure.
When we moved in there was one loosie. Like a wiggly tooth, sometimes it would fall down when we opened or closed them. We learned to pull the chords like one would handle a marionette doll. No big deal, a charm you adjust to in a new place.
Now throw a toddler into the living space who gets a little bored. He seems to think they are swords and yanks them down every chance he gets. Within a month about 6 of these teeth are not only wiggly, but tumbling to the floor any time we enter the room and breathe. They collapse quickly like uncooked spaghetti noodles in Mario and Luigi's Giant World (did anyone else ever get to that level?). The bending over deal to pick them back up, it's getting pretty old the larger I become. It is now time to break out the super glue and you better believe I am going to whisper sour nothings to these bitches as I give them what for.
So in my ode to vertical blinds, I must say that I would never wish a fire upon anyone's home, namely my own. However, if a fire did happen I would get my family safely out and return to make sure every single tooth was ignited and leave only after they burned to the ground, leaving me happy little piles of ash.
