5.16.2008

true. that.


My sister and I were discussing a talk given by a church leader, Elder M. Russell Ballard (click here to read it). Women all over the place smile when it comes up in conversation. It's about motherhood. It's about keeping it real. It's about the basics I bet a lot of us are doing even if we wish and want to be catching stars for these kids of ours every night. Sometimes remembering the basics might be more important.

It's a nice refresh for me to read it today and feel good about the priorities in my life. Especially as we adjust as a family to a new schedule with Mike traveling. As we each have an abundance of what the other is deficient in each weekday (me: alone time / him: kid time). I am determined in our roles as parents to keep working at being united, achieving family peace as often as possible, and having fun. I know we each wish to share what we have an abundance of with the other so we can balance each others' needs, but for now we cannot. It has to be enough to simply know we would trade moments of the day with each other if we could.

Here are some of my favorite parts of the talk and my thoughts:

"...I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood."

I love the feeling of agreeing with this.

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family."

That's easy to forget, isn't it? It's hard to be around people who think their way is the one perfect way. I hope to not be that person now or ever. Even with each of my own children, I hope I remember they might need different parenting as their needs and personalities will vary.

"What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."

"I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. "

He isn't going to let me hold his hand when we run errands and snuggle him while we read books forever, is he?

"There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment,"...

Today Zane thanked me when I put a band-aid on his ouchie with the most pleasant and thoughtful voice I have heard in weeks. As if I sewed his arm back on. It was a moment I wish I could bottle up.

..." but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives."

Evan screams like he is on fire each time I lay his sleeping body into his crib during the day. Zero naps this week, unless they are in my arms. Zero. Another moment, less favored.

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “........And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”(Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

I think I want to put this quote above the door to remember when I am coming and going from one thing to the next.

..." find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children."

This is something I am normally pretty good at. I am working on getting a drumming instructor in AZ and a babysitter so can have some 'me' time even with Mike traveling. I know 1-2 hours a week is about all I can do once the house is settled. That was my routine in NY and it worked well. We are all going to need for me to be replenished.
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