3.24.2009

the scent of a woman


See these? They look kinda good, right? Innocently good. Like a grab-one-on-the-run for a little breakfast kind of good. Or maybe even two! Two for breakfast and it will really fill you up kind of good.
And bonus! If your intestines are all squished up inside cos there is a little human taking over the space where they used to freely allow digested food to pass through, it might even be a perk to ingest some additional fiber. Keep those twisted up pipes clear as it may help move thing along more freely. So perhaps you don't cry in pain or pass out when you finally have that weekly purging of conglomerate rocks exiting your body.
Only, they really should have a warning on the box. That tells you about the aftermath of eating these things. Something about not eating them if you actually come into contact with other human beings. Because the gas that emanates from your body after eating these the following (roughly) 48 hours is unbelievably catastrophic. So bad it made my husband say swear words. And he doesn't even really know how to swear. I had to look behind me to make sure green clouds weren't floating out from the bottom of my shorts. And then I checked under the bed to make sure we didn't have a family of skunks living under there.

So go ahead, eat them. Buy them. But only if you live alone, have some time off work, and have no friends to pass time with. Otherwise, they might just swear at you. And you will totally deserve it. Because the smell that comes from your butt after you eat these is beyond anything a human should ever excrete. It's not even animal-like. It's just plain wretched.
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