it's always good to have a plan

Dear Little Girl Growing in My Tummy,
Please forgive the manner with which I refer to you, as we have yet to decide upon your name.
I have been thinking lately about how different it will be to teach you the ways of life as a female in this world. Things are going to get really complicated and akward as a pre-teen and you will feel incredibly alone and ugly and confused for a little while. And you will think no one else on the face of this earth is going through puberty, only you. That feeling's pretty much normal. And then you will start to really like boys and want to kiss them and they will want to kiss you. Because, let's face it, your father and I never got a beating from the ugly stick so chances are you are going to be quite a looker.
For this purpose, I plan to lock you inside the house your whole life. And if a boy wants to speak with you he will have to come to the front door, look up, and hope for you to appear briefly through the window in the tower so he can steal a glance at your beautiful smile.
love you,
mom (and dad, as I am certain he will agree with this plan)

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