6.25.2010

the pool


When I worked at Little Caesar's there was a large man named Terry. He had a lot of hair on his arms and it was also spilling out of his shirt collars in the front and back. It was thick, black, curly hair. He got in trouble from his manager once for stirring the giant pot of sauce with his arm. I shiver to think of eating a pizza with his arm pubes bubbling inside of it.

****
So, instead of the mall, we have learned to spend a great deal of time at the local Aquatic Center. This makes the summer a whole lot more fun and tolerable. The only exception to that is Free Day. We accidentally stumbled upon free day and it was like they bused in everyone from the DMV. 10 DMVs, to be exact. It was irrritatingly packed with a lot of people from who knows where to the point that I mistakenly thought we were swimming in sweat instead of water. That's when I saw him. The hairy man. The man that put Terry to shame.
He had more hair covering his body than anything I had ever seen before. I never knew the back of a man could look like a giant, walking bush. His thick, curly hair was so dense that I could not see any skin except on his face. Above his stuble that no doubt must grow back 4.3 minutes after he shaves, poor guy.

Suddenly a public pool just seemed so wrong. Here are my innocent little children happily floating around and accidentally injesting loads of sweaty, pubic hair water smiling all the while. And I stand by allowing this to happen. They should have the super hairy men do a brush down or at the very least wear a body net.

So. I just pretend after free day or hairy man alert they drain the pool, scrub it down, and refill it with clean water just for the sake of the children. And thank goodness hairy people don't become hairy overnight or with the coming of age. You can pretty much spot out the hairy dudes while you are dating. Could you imagine your spouse waking up one morning like a friggin gorilla. Balding I would be able to handle. The reverse would not be okay- I would demand waxing. Our marriage would depend on it.
There was an error in this gadget