8.03.2008

of me and the arab man

Yeah, so Arizona, huh? What's it like?

Um, I pretty much smell like the hairy armpit of a large sweaty man from the moment I leave the house until I hit the sheets. I feel like I should give a warning to the people I come into contact with in public.

Oh, actually, you might want to stand in that other line to check out. Her, over there in the other line= roses. Me? Armpit. Just a heads up (with a head tilt, and pleasant grin).

Oh you mean we need to sit together in this cubicle to discuss the gym membership? Two inches apart? It really might be best if we sit in seperate cubicles and talk over the wall. You see all those men in the corner lifting iron? They might be more pleasing an odor than myself right now. Just trying to be fair and honest. No? Alrighty then..... proceed.

You would think I could easily blend in Home Depot, what with the 462273837 visits we make to this sacred space that is filled with sweaty people. And all the manly men building and sweating and painting and stinking. Nope. That man who just walked past us, probably just BUILT a whole house in the middle of the afternoon (roughly 109 degrees), no odor. ME= armpit.

Then I remembered when I took a martial arts class and someone smelled worse than this. The dude I always had to partner with cos no one else would be his partner (come to think of it no one would be mine either?!). He was an Arab man of about 6 foot and rather wide in stature. He reeked of curry and spoiled milk. To mask the odor when he lifted his arms for striking/ throwing/ etc I would work at freezing my facial muscles to resist the natural expression of OMG it wanted to make. I came up with a solution: douse myself in sun-ripened raspberry body mist and when he would lift an arm, I could tip my head down into my pocket of fresh, sweet smelling raspberry cleavage like a sanctuary of air inside my gi. I couldn't remove his odor, but I could redirect my nose to avoid direct contact. It worked like a charm.

Once again I am feeling the need for the body spray. Only this time it's to save me from myself.
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