3.19.2008

Lots of times I open my mouth and let words fall out, they just drop out into the air.

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People giving lessons at church often like us to participate so they don't have to do all the talking. I have no problems with being the first to break the silence. I just don't always wait long enough to make sure I know what the lesson is about. Or long enough to make sure what I am going to say benefits the direction of the thoughts previously stated. But I keep doing it and it has become funny inside my head when it happens.

I normally enter the room late while the lesson has been going on, probably from wrangling my son into his class or feeding the baby. I take a seat and catch the tail end of whatever the teacher is saying. I only know she is taking pause and waiting for someone else to speak, answer her question or offer a precious piece of testimony. My arm shoots up before I can think and I am pleased to see her relief to know she has a participant! That's when I realize I might as well have said "space ships go really fast" because the words I offered had nothing to do with lesson. The teacher responds to my comment with a blank stare and blinks a few times. Then someone rescues me by sharing input more fitting to the topic.

I have to hide my smile and pretend it didn't just happen. The humor inside me that I did it again when I know better; remembering that I still don't stop myself very well. I force my bursting laugh to stay inside like helium in Mylar. Because sometimes that's how it feels to embarrass myself. It's like an addiction, it sort of feels bad in a good way.
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