I have always had a hard time getting along with girls. I have never been one to function well in large groups of girl friends, usually there is one I like the best and enjoy hanging with her one-on-one. In high school and college I gave up almost entirely and just started hanging out with guys friends.It was so fun to just be silly and reckless and not have to worry about gossip, wearing make-up, or what shoes to wear with my outfit. Just to skate, go to a dollar movie theater or play video games was a lot more fun than shopping. It was always comfortable and I never second guessed the things I said, nor did I wonder if they were being fake. Guys as friends in general seem to be more genuine and have a better sense of humor. The humor part isn't really so true, it's just that my natural self seems to be sarcastic 13-year-old-boy humor and not everyone thinks that is humorous. Hence the movie Jackass listed as one of my favorites.
So for years I thought I knew the secret to safe and fun friendships: guys.
Then I got married and although Mike is and will always be my best friend, he was pretty much all I had at the end of the day. We worked opposite shifts at the call center, that basically meant I had no one else to hang out with. Most of those guy friends didn't make it to the wedding or had moved away. I didn't seem terribly comfortable making new guy friends once I was married. It put a lot of pressure on Mike- basically he had to be a 3 ring circus and fill every friend requirement imaginable. I think that need varies from person to person, I happen to be a person with a high need for social interaction.
Then I met some of his friends' wives and to my surprise, some of them were actually funny. The guys would gather for video games, I would secretly wish to hang out with them instead. But after time and friendships developed with the ladies, I started to learn new things from them. Not necessarily crafty conversation, but every day life topics that I had missed out on for years. And silly things like how to have sex in the shower, movie star crushes, places to go on romantic dates, etc. And Mike was allowed to be just my husband, not a million personalities crammed into one.
I found in girl friendships supportive and happy people that I enjoyed being around. So what if we don't get together and watch Jackass and I hold my tongue when inappropriate, albeit hilarious, jokes come to mind. I can live with that. The camaraderie of the lady friends I have had over the years has really been a healthy experience to which I continue to learn and grow from, especially as a mother. It makes me a more well-rounded, happier me.
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Watching Grey's Anatomy this week opened my eyes to how great of a feeling it is to bond with a friend for life. Tears streamed down my face as one gal decided to visit her dying friend in the hospital. After the doctors tried for over an hour to save her, there was no hope. The friend, also part of the medical team within the hospital, insisted they try again. The determination, love and hope in her voice could have shattered glass. It shook me.
Her friend lived. She wanted her friend to live for a million reasons, like any of us would. But she had something important to tell her. Something no one else on earth would fully get the magnitude of within her world. The news of her engagement wouldn't mean as much if her friend wasn't there to hold her hand and be excited with her.
This sounds so lame if you don't watch the show.
It made me realize the feeling of having a true friend, the very core of you wants nothing but awesome things to come their way. You cry with them when hard things happen in their lives. You literally jump up and down when they call with exciting news. When you hang up the phone (or hang out in person) it's like that feeling after you cleaned your whole house- you just feel more content.
True girl friendships fulfill an emotional cup that nothing else can.
They are also very hard to come by.
