crush: volume 1

Sometimes I think back to how I conducted myself and managed my interest in crushes when I was a bunch younger and single. Most of these stories are ridiculous to me and essentially classified as what a normal person would call stalking.

I wanted to like a cute boy once who I heard worked at a sub shop. He never led me to believe in any way shape or form that he noticed my flirting glances. But that didn't stop me from jumping into his path as often as possible. Trying to get him to trip over me while I tap danced on top of his feet. Very typical Young Liz behavior. Oh, you don't like tap dancing, what about flame throwing?! I can juggle knives you know! Wait.... where are you going.... stop and see me looking at YOU!

I was not good at taking hints. Where was Oprah's friend who wrote the book 'He's Just Not That Into You'? I could have used his advice.

So the sub shop. I assumed he worked at the one near his home. I would go at all hours of different days to try and figure out his work schedule (limited to only once in a day- I did have my limits). I would always get the cheapest size of yogurt with my pocket change. Never could catch him in a shift.

What was I thinking? Who does that? I gave up on the whole idea within one month because it was too hard to track him down and btw he didn't even know my name. A mutual friend several months later mentioned him in a story that involved his job. I figured out he was at a totally different location like 10 miles away. I burst into psychotic (internal) laughter at my failed super sleuth antics that only led me to a giant month of wasted money eating that disgusting yogurt.