This is the most useful (and unsettling) website I have ever viewed.
You can plug in your zip code to learn about registered sex offenders in your area. I know this link had circulated many years ago, but as I have since had a child and moved, it is interesting to revisit. To be aware of how the map looks in my new area.
I keep erasing the words I want to write about this topic. I am struggling with my gut reaction to the dots I see on the map within my area. The territory around my home, the places I shop with my son. And comparatively, there aren't THAT many versus other areas within the state/ country. I want to write about how disgusted I am and outraged that these types of bad-decision-people are allow people to live around us. That the pit of my stomach turns into painful black soot at the very thought of my son being a victim. That the people that do such things cannot possibly be God-fearing people, they have to be on the Other Side. How did they get passed the veil and receive a body and come to earth? how - why - i don't get it - can't wrap my head around it........
The other part of me? That religious part that hugs the pain of my imagination and terror of 'what if' reminds me about judgment. It tells me there is a lot more to the story than I can imagine. There is a bigger picture. That humans come to this earth and some screw up pretty bad. That I cannot throw a stone, because I am not perfect either. I am also reminded of the process of repentance and forgiveness. I am not sure how that works with various levels of crime, it's hard to separate the thoughts of Natural Man comparatively with the One on judgment day who ultimately decides.
These two parts of me are in conflict. Easily looking at the names and faces of the people who have been convicted as the world sees them versus the way their Maker possibly sees them. They are his children, too.
What if one of these dots was my elderly neighbor across the street that I know on a first-name basis? Who waters the plants every day and waves hello to us every afternoon. Who has more medication than I can count to keep him alive due to cancer and Valley Fever. Who has regular visits to the emergency room for weeks at a time while his sweet wife waits lonely and hopeful for him at home.
Would I stop smiling at him? Would we ignore his weak, waving hand? Would I leave mean notes in his mailbox? Would I still look him in the eye? Would I move? If my friend, my neighbor turned out to be a sex offender in the neighborhood?
I really don't know how to close my thoughts. There are so many fears I gained becoming a mother, I don't think my mind can handle it sometimes. The inability to truly and fully protect my son 100% of the time his whole life is a feeling I was never prepared for. The only possible filler for that gap for me is religion. Not that I think bad things will never happen because I have religion in my life, but that each member of my family can be guided (hopefully to avoid some trauma if it's His will), but most importantly to cope with the journey that unfolds with each of us. That hopefully if something awful were to happen to Zane that I would not commit the crime my mind would tell me to act towards the offender.
There is a place of misery for some souls once they leave this earth.
I have to remember it is not my place to make that list.
