I spent time with a newer friend of mine today at the park. Her son is similar in curiosity and busyness as mine, but he is younger. It got me thinking back to the times before the 2 year mark when I was still decoding what kind of kid I had.Although they tell you not to compare your child to others, you do. There is not really a measuring stick to gauge if he is on track or not, you have to do some digging of generalities for age and gender. But that information still did not stop me from wondering why mine had such a hard time sitting in a circle with the other children for 15 minutes to sing songs. I wondered what I was doing wrong, if I didn't have enough routine in his life. I would leave feeling frustrated at how uncooperative he was and feeling like a failure as a mother for having The Distracting One. I had these experiences/ feelings often, beyond the singing time event.
A good conversation with a friend who has a background in child development helped me understand my son a lot better. She helped me realize that perhaps going to the park, for example, might just be a better outlet for him. He just simply might not be ready (and clearly was not interested) in a singing time/ group circle time. She said to give it time. I let go of the list of character traits I had mentally collected and expected of him.
I realized he has all this potential in areas that are already strengths and natural to him (physical) and with time and patience I found ways to incorporate little routines and reading times that required a little more attention and sitting still. With age, he did naturally grow more interested in those moments. Our relationship as son and mother grew leaps and bounds. Not because he could sit still for a few moments, but because I gave him the space to be ready for it and let him be him. Because I found him to be wonderfully different in energy and stopped trying to force a circle into a square.
Today it was nice to reflect back on that learning process as a mother and feel good about the past year. It was the terrific two's with some typical terribles, but all in all my favorite year as a mother so far. I actually have days where I feel guilty that my husband has to work while I get to play and talk to our son and teach him about squirrels, reflections, taking turns, and playing nice. The old me had frequently leaned towards envy that Mike got to hang with adults, make corporate decisions, get annual reviews with raises, and eat lunch all alone if he wanted to.
Today I got to hang out with my son and I smiled a lot more than usual remembering how I let myself learn about him instead of trying to shape him into someone else. He's a fabulously busy little boy whose curiosity is leading him into a life of knowledge. It's completely awesome to be next to him, holding his hand, in this process together.
