birds and bees

It's funny, the way people respond when you tell them you are expecting a child. When you have a bun in the oven, a fetus growing, a miracle from God inside of you. It's funny because 98% of the time the first thing that falls out of the mouth of the person listening to your announcement responds with this before you finish your smile and kills every ounce of excitement: Were you trying?

Um. What? I'm sorry did you just ask me if I was trying to create another human being? Because I'm just hoping with every thought in my head that the heart keeps beating every day. That's were I'm at. And hoping I get to keep my body safe and allow this miracle to happen and you just asked me about my sex life. Hrm. Well, let's whiteboard my ovulation cycle so I can prove to you my family plan, since that's everyone's main interest, and then next we can talk about the sexual positions we engaged in while we were, yes, trying.

The best was work colleagues when I was expecting my first at age 27. You see, in the tristate area women of my age were barely getting married, finishing their MBA Programs and thriving in their careers. Out east it seemed early to mid 30s was more the norm for starting a family. And by then you can afford a nanny, so it's only a mild interruption on the career front.

So people I worked in the same building with, they also had the same question. Which feels a whole lot different when you wake up in the morning, put on some smart business clothing with high heels and decide it's the day to share the news you have been excited to deliver. And in the hallways of florescent lighting when your little baby bump is barely starting to show, someone asks you if you were trying. Again and again the cute outfit and blow-dried hairdo suddenly melt off of my body and I feel like a giant vagina standing in front of Bert from Accounting. What started as a wholesome conversation about my family took a strange twist.

Well, Bert, um, jeez sorry I forgot to email the company on the distribution list when my husband and I decided to toss the condom and pills and go for it. I forgot that it was everyone else's business when my intimate life involves protection or not.

And then.... what if it wasn't planned? You want to know if we were two drunks throwing caution to the wind hoping that ol' pull and pray method works out?! How is the conversation supposed to go if that was the case?

Well, Bert, come into my office have I got some details for YOU! I'm so glad you asked because I have been dying to tell everyone about this child coming to an unprepared and scared shitless family!

I hope I never ask anyone if they were trying. I imagine I have wondered, but what gives me the right to care about someone else's family plan or possible oops? How exactly does that affect me and my life or how I view that person?

I don't write about this to offend friends or relatives who have asked us this, I can't even remember who the 2% were that responded positively at this point. No matter, as clearly I am not the majority anyway so I probably shouldn't be so confused about it all. I just write about it so I can remember how it made me feel. So if I ever wonder about it for another I can remember it's not my place.
There was an error in this gadget