12.15.2008

are you normal?


I love the sound of fingers typing on the computer keyboard, especially over the phone. It's like listening to the rain; very relaxing.

I love refried beans and could eat them every single day. They don't even really give me gas very much. [Was that gas part convincing?]

I hate keyboard sounds off of laptops.

I hate the sound of that bathroom fan above the toilet. And the fan above the kitchen stove. Like fingernails on chalkboard.

I have this irrational paranoia that anything and everything loose in the car is going to get wedged under the brake pedal and I will be forced into a head-on collision because the break will be stuck. I am overzealous about keeping the car free from things on the floor anywhere in the car. Penny. Sippy Cup. Sun shade. Hand sanitizer. Sunglasses. Paper art work from school. Pens. Bottled Water. Or the LID (certain death)! Power Ranger. Backpack. Cheerio. Goldfish cracker. Candy wrapper. Dust. I am probably more likely to get into a car crash retrieving things off of the car floor while driving than the actual brake getting jammed.

I officially hate running skirts. I have been on the fence with this one, until I saw ladies at the gym working out in them. Ladies, we should never see the inside of your thigh as it is spread and lifted from the other, especially if those thighs are not fit [shiver]. It just looks raunchy. Even on the babes. Like you should hand them a beer and they will open it by biting the top of the glass bottle off to drink from it. And then scratch their groin and pick their teeth.

I hate the Faux Stone Panels. I saw it first appear on homes 8+ years ago as an alternative to paint, as it was a newer home embellishment for the outdoors. It was different, not my style, but props for uniqueness. Now it is on the outside of Home Depot, McDonald's, Walgreens, Basha's, the post office, Wal*Mart, gas stations, Circle K, and if you look long enough at it, it will begin to feel as though it is growing on your face. It is everywhere and it gives me a headache. There are times it is done properly when there is a specific pattern, an even texture throughout, while following a decent color scheme. I will dedicate a picture day/ post to the do's and don'ts of this rock effect so you can feel me.

Bev Mo. This is a chain out west that sells...wait for it.....I bet you can't guess........beverages. And guess what they want you to think- that they sell MORE. Pretty much the most lame title for a beverage party store in the entire universe. Could we please petition for some creativity here? I know it's odd, but for some dumb reason whenever I drive past a Bev Mo I want to pull my hair out at how dumb the title is. And take out the florescent lighted sign with steel pellets from a BB gun. I don't know why it bugs me so bad. I guess I just think about the people in charge of naming the store and imagine the conversation going like this:

Person A:
Well, we sell beverages....probably more than any other store.....so how about More Beverages!

Person B:
Oh! I got it! "BEV" (pause for effect) "MO!" Get it? Like More Beverages, but shortened?! We can save money on the sign that way.

It's the end of the day and everyone in the room is tired and wants to go home. So they all agree and leave.

Tevas. I hate them. Forever I will hate these shoes. No one's white foot looks attractive or athletic with black straps all crazy criss-crossed all over the place. The only thing worse than teva shoes is a couple wearing them at the same time. Although, tevas with socks on is pretty bad as well. Just freaking wear flip flops people! Unless you are on a wet rock in the middle of the ocean often, I can't see why these shoes need to exist. And then they went and wove that navajo pattern into the black straps and it got even worse. I know I offend many here, as most people I know wear these. And you can make fun of me for my Old Navy flip flops with the chunk out of the toe Evan chewed off and I will laugh with you. Just know it's something I have to get off my chest.

I hate that flakey layer between the peanut and the shell that is sometimes left on the nut when you go to eat it. I would rather eat pubes than a peanut with one of those stuck to it. And when peanut brittle has that crap snuck into it all hidden, what a disappointment. Improperly shelled peanuts suck.
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