7.02.2008

of apples and oranges


I distinctly remember combing through the sand at recess under the monkey bars during the morning break in about fourth grade. A friend invited me to swing, but I declined. I had important work to do. You see, it house key number eight I had lost that school year and my mother told me I needed to bring it home or else...... I didn't know what 'or else' meant, I just knew she meant business. And I found it. And I don't believe I have lost a key since. Granted, I did have to start wearing it around my neck on a shoe string.

I love that my mom knew it was just part of who I was. She didn't get mad about it, she knew I was just absent-minded sometimes. She never said hurtful things to me when these sorts of 'episodes' would occur. She would also let me be me without comparing me to my sister. She never said 'WELL Lisa never lost a key' or 'your sister takes SUCH good care of her things, why can't YOU?' I love that I have had that example in my life to carry on into my own family. I love that she knew us for who we were and never expected me to be good at someone else's strengths. I was not considered the shadow or expected to fill my sister's shoes as she grew into new ones, so to speak.

I feel we were always celebrated as individuals with very different talents, interests, and personalities. For this I am grateful.

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I have intentionally not checked Zane's baby book to remember specific milestones. I want to remember Evan will achieve them on his own time, not compare who was faster or taller or quicker in comparison. Some of them might be sooner, some might be later. While it is fun to see their differences (foods they like) and similarities (bottom teeth), I am reminding myself to enjoy them individually. While Zane has an important responsibility as a big brother, I still want Evan to know he is not Zane's shadow. He is not going to be expected to be good at swimming in the event Zane is a superstar at that sport (for example). He is to just be who he is and that will be wonderful (green-beans-eating) Evan.

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It is hard work to remember that as a mother sometimes. I was so confused when Evan was born and his head was shaped differently than baby Zane's. My mind was expecting the exact same baby to come out all over again. I don't know why, it's so odd that I had to train my brain to reboot and start fresh.

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As for my photo of the car, it's just a color of blue inspiring me for Evan's room.
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