open letter to eric c.

dear eric,

you might not remember me, i sort of hope you don't. i was your date to your senior (my junior) prom. although unoriginal, i sort of liked the way you asked me. i woke up one morning for school and found it rather odd my mom was eating cold pizza for breakfast with her coffee. i asked her when she ordered pizza as i didn't recall seeing it in the fridge the day before. she told me she found it on the doorstep the prior evening and had no idea where it came from. she shrugged her shoulders and continued eating her breakfast. this early morning exchange always makes me smirk when i think of it. i love that my mom must have been like "hrm. a random pizza on my doorstep. how about that. i guess it'll be good in the morning. why don't i put it in the fridge and go to bed and not tell anyone about it". she had no answers to my 43 questions, she just kept slowly eating it as if these things happen every day. pizza, it just falls from the sky. [?]

i thought it curious and hoped it had a hidden message so i could go to prom that year; as it was 'asking' season. sure enough, i saw the word P R O M spelled across the pizza in pepperoni with your name written on the cardboard underneath (somehow my mom didn't see this cryptic message). i knew who you were with a quick memory jog thanks to your photo in the yearbook.

sorry i made the carload during the day trip listen to Depeche Mode's Somebody on repeat for several hours. i never heard the song before then and really liked it. we didn't really talk much, i mostly looked out the window wondering who my Somebody For Life would be and what he was doing at the moment. i only knew for sure it was not you. i don't know why, really, i never gave you a chance. perhaps it was the retainer on your nightstand that grossed me out? i saw it when i trashed/ decorated your room and left a fortune cookie that said "yes i will go to prom with you". that was my sister's idea. she drew the man with the asian hat on the sign we left on your door.

sorry i pulled away when you tried to hold my hand that night. it just means a lot to hold hands and i didn't want to lead you in the wrong direction. sorry i didn't hide the fact i had zero interest in you very well. sorry if we didn't dance, i honestly don't remember. sorry my favorite moment of the whole ordeal was while we were leaving. we passed another ballroom that was playing My Sharona with frat boys and sorority girls. i kicked off my shoes, ran in, and started to dance at 110% full energy in the middle of the dance circle. they just seemed to be a lot more fun to me that evening. i wish i had stayed there a little longer. i think i got their party started while you awkwardly waited by the door, probably wondering why your date had not had that kind of energy with you all night long. or..... perhaps you were embarrassed to be the one taking me home.

the truth is, i imagine you might have wondered why you asked me to go with you to prom. we didn't talk again after that, aside from the ritual of splitting up the photos. i could have been a better date. you also could have chosen more wisely.