1.08.2008

my heart is crammed in my cranium


I remember a fellow snowboard enthusiast telling me about the process for teaching children to board. How it's important for their tiny little bodies and muscles to learn to ski for a while, first. Just having my first newborn at the time, this information freaked me out, and not just because many ski outfits are lame. But because I don't know how to ski, how could I possibly send him out into the hands of someone else that will hopefully train him properly to avoid trees, cliffs, and people. My knee-jerk reaction was that he would simply not ski and wait until he is old enough to board so I could teach him.
Then, of course, seconds later I came to my senses and realized I could suck it up and put on a puffy teal coat and learn myself. That gave me some relief, although led me into a list of millions of things I might need to learn in life before allowing him the opportunity to explore. What an exhausting thing that would be and limiting to his life- for him to only learn and explore from my experiences and knowledge.
While me learning to ski and helping teach him along with a professional instructor isn't a bad idea, it's not the only time this thought process and panic attack will happen.

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This Sunday my son will transition from a nursery class at church into a primary program that will require him to sit and listen and interact instead of playing with toys. This is one of many transitions he will make while growing up as my Mormon son. Transitions and experiences I had not participated in as a child, myself. It's like he is going skiing this Sunday and I haven't even strapped on boots to see how they feel or purchased that snazzy puffy jacket.

While I am feeling relatively short in the preparedness end of it and slightly inadequate, I know I can learn next to him and help him to have a positive and successful learning experience each week. But there will also be weeks he might need to take a walk in the hall with mom again and be removed from the group due to his high energy and stubborn will.

And while I have not gone through the church primary programs as a child learning these gospel principles I know are true from an adult perspective, there are ways to teach it in creative little chunks and bits that I will need to be figuring out from the sidelines to reinforce at home.

The older he gets the more I realize there is much for me to learn. But, also, that I cannot always be there to lay my body down over the puddle for him to avoid getting wet. Some puddles he will figure out how to avoid on his own, from another examples, or even fall into. It's really such a naked feeling to know he would not be better off being the boy in a bubble, despite my urge to go that route.
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