I grew up watching rated R movies. I laughed when heads rolled off of bodies on Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I scoffed at the awful special effects of each Jason and Freddie movie. The blood, language, and violence did not bother me. But something changed as I became an adult.
I tend to get wrapped up in movies like I am in the life of the movie. The characters, if the movie is done well, become my friends and family instantly. I assume there will be the American happy ending because so far, I am pretty happy in life. No tragic deaths of loved ones, no mafia connections (besides an old neighbor), no kidnappings, no addiction to drugs or alcohol. We go to sleep snug in our beds all tucked in and doors safely locked. Sometimes we get freaky, but I won't write about that here. And it's actually more often instead of sometimes, but I will leave it at that.
So back to my point. The Netflix deal has us watching roughly 2 movies every week once Zane goes to sleep. I am lazy about managing the list and have let Mike steer this ship. Many of the movies are award winning and some are indie. A few romance movies slip in, as my husband would like the often to be more of an always. We have exhausted all of the PG-13 movies from the list and we have begun again with the Rs.
Perhaps I am no longer as naive to think murder and death are fake. Psycho people really exist and I am sure I sat next to several of them on the subways of NY, drive next to them on the roads of CA, and went to school with many in AZ, not to mention the terrorists that lived short blocks away from where I worked in Jersey City, NJ.
Jason movies are a little far-fetched, but the notion of not being safe is triggered in my mind when I hear gun shots, see blood, and watch homes collapse in sadness on the screen. Especially as a parent, I am scarred if a beloved character in a movie has a child of any age and is 'killed off'. It hangs in my heart for days and it's all I can think about. I mourn with the characters long after the movie is over. It's rather pathetic.
The mafia movies, I have trouble sleeping at night. I keep thinking a hit man is going to do a drive-by with assault rifles. That Zane will be gone in the morning and a bloody horse's head is going to be there instead. It twists me inside and I have to check on him every hour of the night. And will Mike make it home from work tomorrow? Or will he be covered in wet cement in a dark basement?
I guess all I am saying is my heart beats too fast, more than my body can handle, with many rated R movies. I fear enough for the safety of my son without filling my head with insane and far-fetched possibilities of insecurity and death, pain and suffering. Normal people can probably tune these things out and end it with the movie. Not me.
That said, I either need some recommendations for non-fear-inducing (happy) rated R movies or I have to stop watching them altogether. And then what will I do about my Amelie and Goodwill Hunting?
