a letter

Sometimes I daydream about our old life when we lived in exciting places and slept in late snuggling and left the house at 9pm to find a new place to eat in the city that never sleeps. I think back like it was a story, someone else's life. When we can't get a sitter and the week was long and we finally meet again after being apart all week and find it's filled with work and tending to the littles pulling us toward opposite ends of the house during that few collection of hours he's here. Making me miss him even more to see him so out of reach, yet finally within the same walls.

Sometimes on a long day after the kids are asleep and he's in a different time zone I whisper into the phone with tears dripping from my eyes how I wish I could steal him from his job and he could steal me from the house and kids and we could sneak away and time warp back to how it was so long ago even if just for an hour. What we were, the time we had alone, the newness of the places we got to explore together.

We are richer in love now and becoming parents together has made us better people and pulled us into a tighter unity than I could have imagined. Even if at times it feels like we are wedged apart with duty, schedules, distance, and weariness occupying our minds and routines.

But this fall we are finally sneaking away. We are grasping hands tight and we are racing away to Tokyo. His resurrected Japanese language abilities will turn me on. I will bite his arm with public impulses of lust and give him looks into his big brown eyes that make him blush. I will steal kisses and eat dinner late and lean over the candle to make him press his lips into mine as often as possible. We will explore new streets we've never seen. We will see buildings that amaze us. We will create itineraries and sleep in late and take long, lazy (or frisky?) showers together and jump on the bed and do whatever we want whenever we want for a solid week.

There will never be time enough alone again like there was in our lives before, not for a long while when our children have grown and become adults. Until then these trips and date nights will have to be enough. And the longing for more will have to be managed.

***Amazing thanks to Melanie, Rachael, and my mom or none of this would be possible!