5.27.2010

these guns


So I'm on the treadmill, the last one left. I immediately notice a foul odor. The guy to my right leaves and someone new arrives. It wasn't either of them. The stench remains. Is it my new headphones? No. Oh, the old lady to my left? No way. She seems well groomed and nice there is no way she smells this bad. I begin to run and place the odor combination. Sweaty armpit......wait....... stale coffee......what's that last one.....moth balls. As I run and inhale deeply I taste the odor in my mouth and my stomach tightens. I try to look away from her, but that doesn't seem to help the murky green cloud escaping her rotten mouth. I hope her workout will end soon. It doesn't. It is like I am licking the roof of her coffee mouth, her slimy arm pit, and moth balls at the same time. I persevere on, for my health needs this 30 minute run. We end our workouts at the same time. Still completely stunned this nice woman has such foul smelling breath.

I set myself up on a stomach crunch machine. As I am facing my belly, about to press backwards I exhale. My breath ricochets off my stomach and into my face. I am astonished to realize it was me all along. MY breath is the culprit! I accidentally verbalize: but I don't even drink coffee!?
For the record, I don't eat moth balls, either.

I do, however, lick sweaty armpits all the time.
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