2.19.2009

It is as it should be

In early February I determined it would be the month I would choose to learn about Jazz music. Not because it's part of cool stuff white people like. But because I have met talented and seasoned musicians I admire speak of their love for jazz music the way I moan in delight over freshly sliced baby swiss cheese. The way mothers talk about the things they love about their kids. I enjoy seeing people talk about what they love, the way their countenance changes. Suddenly we are riding in a hot air balloon and eating cotton candy clouds in the bright blue sky! Smiles beam and eyes glow happy so differently than regular conversation. Even their voice exudes passion for this thing they are expressing joy in.

I come to learn many feel jazz drumming is exceptionally hard. I have heard on many occasions that if one can acquire skills to be a good jazz drummer, they can essentially master any other type of genre. My interest has been peaked enough to plan to give it a fair listen for appreciation's sake if nothing else. My plan was to collect a variety of suggestions from these jazz lovers and choose a song to learn on my drums during the month of February.

***

As the weeks took shape along with my pregnant belly rounding out and blocking the vision of my feet, this became an entirely different month than I intended. Filling my head with a lot of other thoughts and comprehension and plans in the Motherhood Sector of my head. This was the month we wrapped up extensive evaluations and deeper understanding of the way my son learns and behaves. And while I have a pile of things I want to learn, this certainly consumes me at the moment and allows room right now for little else.


As the month comes to a near close, several other goals glare at me in competition from a list at the bottom of the calendar. Food storage, budget revamp, home organization plan, etc. While I know jazz will need to wait for another month or two, I am contentedly aware of my proper choice in prioritizing the urgent and important above the enjoyable this month. I am aware there will be months ahead that will allow for the making of time and mental energy for the other stuff.
Reflecting on where I am and what I have learned this month is far more valuable than appreciating a slice of music. I would say one of the more valuable lessons I take away from February was changing my thoughts on how I interact with my son.

I went from changing this thought:

"It shouldn't_____________"

Such as: It shouldn't take this long for him to get dressed. Or for us to leave the house. Or get shoes on. Or brush teeth. For example. I would feel my head fume with frustration as certain days would press and press on my patience waiting for it to burst. The more I thought in my head 'I shouldn't have to give so many reminders or so much redirecting (or whatever else I thought was beyond necessary) the more my frustration grew. And the slower my son would move, the more distracted he became, and the more challenging his behavior turned.


I have replaced "It shouldn't______"
with
"He just requires _________".


He just requires extra direction. He just requires more time to brush his teeth. More directional reminding. He just requires for me to stop what I am doing often to make sure there is follow-through.
This is just the way it is and how it is supposed to be. And that flip of words in my head has made all the difference in understanding my role, naturally finding more peace, and gently guiding and leading through the day the way it's supposed to be done. At our home, anyway, with the spirit he received when we got this handsome little boy gifted into our family.

I feel like a shunt in my head was removed and it all makes a lot more sense now. I'd like to see a jazz song trump that feeling.
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