chewing, spitting, free

Somehow gum sounds like the lamest invention ever when you explain it to an (almost) 3 year old.

He sees his older brother with it, so you try to go over the process. Explain how you chew it, BUT YOU DON'T SWALLOW it, you spit it out.

He looks confused. Asks why.

Well, it's this stuff you just don't want in your tummy.


Well, it's not good for your tummy. So you just chew it up a little and when it doesn't taste good anymore you spit it into the trash.

Silence. A car full of pondering.

I think he's happier with candy that requires less thought/effort/confusion.

Who thought of this first anyway? Hey- guys listen to this! I have this great idea....It's kind of like candy, but only halfway. Well, this stuff I actually made it with isn't really techincally GOOD for you, so after the flavor is gone with a few chews- GET THIS- you get to spit it out! Can you believe no one else thought of this first?!


I honestly woke up this morning and knew I had to see what was for free in Nashville today.

First up, this luxurious chair.

I wish I could see the person who made it so filthy. It almost looks like a body died and rotted into it for a few days. Does anyone else look at this picture and wonder Why get rid of it now? What was the breaking point? Surely not the suffing coming out of the arm. Also, I like the overflowing trash in the background. And is that a big bottle of windshield washer fluid? I like to keep mine handy in the livingroom, too.

Bookshelf is up next. Just overlook that there bottom shelf, it's where them rats would scratch.

Shoes. Okay the black ones I can see are a generous offering and are in good shape. The red sparklies might have some potential. It's the narly sneakers that used to be white that make me think you would tie her to the back of the car and drag her home from school. Throw those bad boys away. No one needs to be showing up to school in orthopedic shoes that look like they have been buried 6 feet deep.

This is the winner. Mostly for the heading of the ad : "Hilarious Sweatband."

Then it just gets better with the person's explanation.

Yeah, I got this from a friend and it's funny to look at but it's just not my personality. If you like it, just text/call 615-574-4443, we can meet up, and I'll hand it over.
I have to agree with her. I keep looking at this sweatband and it's just so. darn. funny. No! It's not! It's DUMB AND NO ONE WANTS THIS. But I plan to call tomorrow. Because I enjoy entertaining myself. I can't wait to say "Hi I'm calling about the ad on craig's list for the HILARIOUS SWEATBAND, is it still available?" And guess who is bringing the BEST, most hilarious white elephant gift this year? This is so going to top the Wal*Mart G string I brought last year! Do you still have that, Richard?
UPDATE: I called. It was actually a grown woman like my age. No lie. I could tell by her voice. She said she got rid of that sweatband a LONG time ago. It still brought me joy to hear her reflect on what I was calling about 'oh, the make out not war?' and she said it with a smile. I could tell. She still thought it was hilarious even after it was gone.