So I used to have this foolproof theory that you could tell a lot about a person by the kind of shoes he/ she would sport. I drove myself insane looking for the perfect shoes to follow my theory, even if it meant the perfect pair didn’t come in my size. Of course you have your traditional slip-on sandal or flip flops in the mix, but this post is about the Leading Shoe in the closet. The One. The pair you would wear to the concert to get digits.
It all began with my first pair of Vans. I think I was in 7th grade. They were black and white stone-washed pattern. Of course, I had to work on fitting the bill over time as I had few skater shirts when I scored these kicks. These were followed by a pair of black corduroy Vans with tan piping. I think these would officially be 1st place in my shoe Hall of Fame.
As I approached High School I got a little confused and busted out white Nikes- what was I thinking?! Just because I ran track and cross country did not mean I was a Nike kind of girl. With some positive peer influence getting me back on track, I was back into the saddle again with a pair of flannel plaid girl Vans. These were quickly replaced by blue Vans as soon as Pearl Jam hit mainstream radio.
I admit I was soon found wearing brown 6-hole Doc Martins, only to be spray-painted silver within a month. I thought I was so punk rock.
Then came the Converse One-Star fetish my Junior/ Senior year. The great thing about these was that they were slimming of the foot and looked great with long dresses! Sadly, my green pair found new owners when my small friend, Bruce, borrowed them Halloween night to dress up as a girl. I think I saw him at the State Fair several years later. With another guy. They might have both been wearing dresses.
Ah, Etnies. They were electric blue and welcomed me into college and saw many a good times. These were a great conversation piece as they were quite rare. One coworker at Tower Records asked me about them. I offered they were 2 sizes too big, but they were the last pair and I HAD to have them. He snickered as he said, “Yeah, we all wondered about the new girl with such big feet”.
Two-Toned Wingtips. These babies were my most prized possession and ordered from a magazine out of New York. Ska shows were the nightlife that made life worth living at the time. Skater Chick by day, Rude Girl by night. These pushed the baby blue Pumas to the back of the closet for a long, long time. After they were broken-in and well scuffed I went to a concert with this guy “Mike” and saw about 15 girls with the exact same shoes! This was a travesty. I pulled them off of my feet, threw them into a trash can filled with beer cups, and demanded he give me a ride to my car on his back. He thought I was crazy. He just didn’t get how important the Shoe Theory was! The golden rule to the Shoe Theory is that they have to be unique. So if they start to appear in shopping mall store windows and on the feet of girls at concerts wearing big bows in their hair, the shoes have to be retired. IMMEDIATELY.
I think my next pair of shoes worthy of recognition was a great pair of royal blue Simples. The last I wore them I was on another date with “Mike”. I stepped in a huge, sloppy pile of fresh doggy dung. They were rendered totaled, I was sad to lose them. “Mike” still didn’t get it and shook his head smugly with each mention of it.
I went back to the old reliable, beige Vans. The skater shoes were getting puffier and wider and things were changing. Who am I? What is the RIGHT shoe for me? This question became less and less important as I began to see people more for who they were and not the shoes they had on their feet. I will probably always have a pair of Vans in the back of my closet and I will always appreciate truly unique shoes, just less viciously. I am fully aware that there is so much more to me than just a pair of white Penguins. And as for “Mike”, well, I eventually talked him into marrying me and he is now an extremely picky shoe-shopper.
Oh, and as for the type of shoes I will don my children with? Only the COOLEST FREAKING SHOES EVER!
*picture by Penguin
