11.24.2015

I've given up Facebook for 2 whole days now. And it's killing me. Slowly.

I knew it would be a habit breaker. But I had no idea how addicted I was to checking that little blue square all. day. long.

I can't imagine what it must feel like to try to break from a truly awful addiction such as smoking. Or drugs.

I find replacement habits for when I am bored: texting a friend, looking at Instagram, and checking my email. They all end in the same non uplifting and non-productive realm of sucking away time I could be using for something productive and meaningful. Even if just allowing myself a tech-free moment of boredom.

I have loads of relatives or friends I could call and talk to. I could make lunch plans. Or visit a friend in person. Do a chore. Read a book. The ones on paper make my eyes feel better.

It turns out I look to FB many times a day to fill gaps of time. Waiting in parent pick up. Waiting for a conversation to start. Waiting for the eggs to cook. Waiting for the light to turn green. All this waiting could be spent in my own mind. Or smiling at other people, especially the ones I care for daily. Allowing myself to be bored and not constantly look to my device allows more nonsense conversation with my family that usually leads to relationship strengthening. And that always fills me up. Whereas FB normally leaves me feeling empty and unfulfilled. So why do I allow myself the constant habit?

In the masses of time I have found myself drawn to it, there have been positives. Correspondence with my father before he passed was the most important one for me. Sharing humor is next. And occasionally there are articles shared worth reading and even sharing. Relatives far away (only 2 families) and friends like family that live far away all share photos of their kids growing. It's such a one-sided experience, though, that I know they cannot hear or see the smiles and joy it brings me to see their children.

So the task to me is to break myself of the poor habit that brings little fulfillment. What direction do I go to strengthen the relationships at a distance that matter most? Skype? Phone calls? Will  they answer? Or remain in the solitude of one sided Facebook dumping of life stories I don't get to hear or respond live to?

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