8.25.2012

not of donkeys

I heard about it from a friend who lost a lot of weight and looked great. After signing up for an obstacle race I knew I needed to get serious about training for it. I took my friend's advice and met with a personal trainer. While I could not justify the high cost of regular sessions, I did sign up for a slightly less expensive option: Group Personal Training. It didn't change my life, but it did slightly change the shape of my rear!

I love this little part of my world. I affectionately refer to it as Hip Hop Nation in my mind. The main trainer plays a mix of fresh tunes I would never listen to on my own accord, however, have come to find that lyrics like 'drop that ass' and 'criminal bootie, oh my God, I could cuff it' paired with tough beats are really motivating. I try to imagine all my hard work during the circuit training will make the back door unbelievably amazing. After having three kids it's not the same eye-catching gem that lured my husband all those years ago. It once was a remarkable asset of mine. I would like to one day reclaim it.

The crowd attending the small class has changed over time. When I began it was largely filled with cougars. While they had amazingly fit bodies, I at least still had my youth! At the present time a handful of bikini models have infiltrated my coveted workout space. I most likely have an extra decade of age on them, so there's that. I am not sure if you have met a bikini model before, so in case you have not I can share some thoughts with you on what it's like to workout with them.

It sucks. Any scrap of confidence you had coming into the room is removed once they inhale the same air. I just leave mine in a little duffel bag by the door and pick it up on the way out. If you could sculpt a perfectly toned body out of a bar of soap (or beautiful wood) it would be these girls. They are works of art. I tell my husband about them. "I have never seen more perfect asses," I say.

I groan of how I hope they are admired at home. If I worked hard enough to look that amazing you better believe I would make Mike polish and buff my glorious bum after every shower. Then there would be candles and songs and chanting as I placed it on a throne at the start of each day. Our lives would revolve around my perfect derrier. If I had one.
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